i wanna sleep next to you, and that's all i wanna do right now
by panlesters
Summary: Dan misses the body next to him in bed that he'd become accustomed to during his week in the north.


_**i'm bad at summaries i guess lol anyways**_ _ **  
**_ _ **i wrote this at 2am listening to talk me down by troye sivan when i couldn't sleep so it's kind of a mess but honestly same**_ _ **  
**_ _ **enjoy**_

Dan misses him. He misses the warmth of someone next to him, the feeling of someone else's arm around him, of someone else's heavy breath on the back of his neck, the occasional shift as Phil had moved around in his sleep. Dan didn't get much sleep that week in October. Mostly he had a few hours here and there. He enjoyed letting Phil fall asleep next to him, familiarising himself with how Phil looked right before he drifted off, the way his breath began to even out as he fell from a light snooze to a deep sleep. He wanted to experience it as many times as he could while Phil was still in arms' reach. He needed strong memories, before it was back to late night Skype calls with sleepy breath across a bad speaker, when Phil was on the other side of the country and not right next to Dan where he should've been.

He misses the safety he felt in Phil's room. He could just be himself, and no one was there to criticize him. It wasn't something Dan was used to, being in an environment where he could just be himself without being bullied or picked apart in seconds by people who thought they were above him. Phil just wanted him to be him, and Dan couldn't remember a time where he had felt more special. Everything was safe about Phil. He had a safe smile, that told him he had a home with Phil, as long as he wanted one. He had a safe laugh, a light rumble that sometimes evolved into a proper belly laugh. Dan cracked as many jokes as he could that week; he never wanted to stop hearing that laugh. Phil had safe arms, that Dan missed when he was home. There was nothing he wanted more after a tough day than to crawl into those open arms, settle himself there and play Mario Kart or Final Fantasy or just sit and listen to Phil breathing around him. He felt safety around Phil that he'd never felt before, and he felt safer going home just from being in his presence for that short amount of time.

Dan never realised how much he could love the simple act of holding someone's hand. He loved Phil's hands. He loved that he could hold them whenever he wanted, he could thread his fingers through Phil's, or scratch his nails over the palm or trace lines just because he wanted to keep himself busy and Phil was just _there_ , next to him. He loved it even more when it was Phil taking his hand and playing with his fingers, pulling his hand into his lap, running his fingertips over Dan's fingers and allowing for them both to just enjoy the physical contact.

Dan found himself wanting to kiss Phil, any time, any place. He misses being able to move his head to the side and press a kiss to Phil's bare arm because it's too much effort to stretch up to Phil's lips and he just wants to express some affection, because there was _so much of it_ and how could he ever express it? He had settled for little kisses on whatever bare skin was closest to him, and he spent his time enjoying how easy it was until he was back home and all they had was words. Dan isn't as good with words. Trying to explain to Phil that he wants to kiss his pare skin because he loves him and want to feel close to him makes him blushy and flustered, and Phil says it's cute and endearing, but Dan still wishes he could just do it and not have to say anything about it. He hadn't meant to tell Phil over skype that he loved him. He hated that the first time he said that to Phil the reaction had been through a handful of pixels and a scratchy microphone that cut out half the words.

On his bad nights, Dan curls himself into a ball and wraps his arms around himself in an attempt to feel the way he did when Phil was holding him. It doesn't feel the same at all. When Phil skypes him every evening Dan offers him a sad smile and an "I'm okay, I just miss you". Phil doesn't believe him, but he offers virtual kisses and hugs, and reminds Dan of the safe space he's in, that he can tell Phil anything. Dan's not good at words, so he tries his best to convey in the smile he offers through his terrible webcam the gratitude he feels at finally, _finally_ having a best friend he can open up to. He's waited his whole life for this, and it was so worth it.

Dan and Phil talk a lot about getting a place at some point, about moving in together. Dan tries his best to imagine having a stable job, going out in the morning and coming home to Phil's smiling face and a familiar peck on the lips. He imagines going to sleep every night with his favourite person in the bed beside him and waking up to lazy smiles and grumbles about how early it is and _five more minutes, babe._ And maybe, in some distant half-dream, there are mumbled discussions about who will get up and take the kids to football practice and music lessons, who will take the dogs for a walk, how long do they have before there are little feet running into their room, jumping on their bed and demanding Christmas presents be opened at 4am. Dan's not quite ready to talk this out with Phil, he's not good with words after all. It can wait, though. They have all the time in the world to work out houses and kids and dogs and Christmas mornings.

For now all Dan wants is Phil in the bed next to him, an arm thrown around him, breathing on his neck, feeling safe and loved and contended. He doesn't need anything else.

 _ **thanks for reading, feel free to come scream about dan and phil with me panlesters on tumblr**_


End file.
